Welcome to the New Year, 2015, the Year of the Goat!
In Western Christian eyes, the goat symbolism may suggest the Devil himself, but to those striving for your enjoyment at the Bad Hotel, we KNOW it refers to the Devil himself. The chief personal trainer down in the gym with terrifying muscles may refer to himself as ‘Diablo’, but he knows to bow low when the Red Lord takes a walk amongst the treadmills. The Big D (informality is encouraged at the Bad Hotel) takes his management role very seriously and can often be found casting a fiery eye over goings on at the pool area, children’s reading room, waterboarding annexe, etc, etc. We may be servants to the whims of our guests, but we know who we are slaves to! Last year wasn’t all success and forward motion, there were a few failures, which we always try to see as an opportunity to learn. For example – the Pop Up Store in the lobby, shouldn’t literally ‘Pop Up’, using giant gears and grinding mechanisms – we know this now. And apologies to the Genarro family, may they rest in peace. Bad Hotel Spa staff ought to have been aware of the chemicals involved in a successful ‘face peel’, instead of the ‘cut and pull’ method used in the months of November and December. Apologies too many to mention, but we move ever onward! Clean up after the unexpected awakening of the Dead on New Year’s Eve has taken rather longer than expected, and we apologise for the dumpsters full of body parts currently occupying the tennis courts. I think management, staff and guests would all agree that this was a New Year’s Eve they will never forget, and that some have discovered skills with an axe that they didn’t know they had. Those with the highest scores will be forever commemorated in the plaque currently being raised in the games room. The discovery of an enormous ( as yet unexploded ) World War II bomb in the gardens of the hotel has caused great excitement amongst staff and guests alike, and the viewing deck that we have erected is ( we are assured ) far enough away from any potential detonation for all to watch in safety as the heroic maintenance staff attempt to defuse the device. This attempt is scheduled for 08h00 on the 23rd January, as a special birthday treat for the concierge, please do try and arrive early as seating is limited. Bring waterproofs, in the event of detonation. New initiatives for 2015 from the Bad Hotel include:
In addition, the employment of the most strongly telepathic of the orphans from the medical research lab (see Issue Two) at the concierge desk has added a new layer to our already all encompassing levels of services. Now we truly do know what you are thinking, and can anticipate your needs. And blackmail me for those thoughts about your cousin. No, really. As always, please do take the time to fill out our guest book, and let us know the details of your stay at the Bad Hotel. Forewarned is forearmed, as our lawyers keep saying! |
By village fetish (@botandy)
Deep Space Suite
If you would like to upgrade to our brand new Deep Space Suite, please talk to our friendly reception staff, who will arrange for the gruelling 14 hour medical and physical examination.
SUGGESTION BOX
If you survive your stay (and I certainly hope you do, you seem lovely) then please put any complaints or compliments into this wooden suggestion box by the reception desk. No, that one is a coffin, the smaller one with the slot on top, there you go. Feel free to discuss the features of the hotel that most exceeded your expectations, and those that did not. For example, did our service result in the loss of life of a loved one, or the extinction of a species? Let us know!
|
be our guest
If there aren’t any vacancies, don’t worry: we’ll make one for you!