The Bad Hotel > Castle Suite
The Castle Suite
Possible Castle Suite excursions and experience packages include:
Kill Your Lunch If you can trap it, we can cook it. Bird Alarm We will release birds of prey into your room, who may gently rouse you with their face pecking and gifts of dead mice. The Gallows Witness a good old-fashioned hanging... re-enactment. Honestly, it’s a reenactment. |
I’d like to apologise for that little incident with the valet. I can assure you that he will be disciplined to within an inch of his life.
Would you like the DVD recording? No? Very well then. To make up for this morning’s inconvenience, I’d like to offer you a complimentary room upgrade, to one of our very finest rooms: The Castle Suite. There’s hot and cold running water (the cold water is running down the walls), an impenetrable darkness that will have you clutching your throat at every movement and sound (and there will plenty of both, I promise), icy cold flagstones, and on a good day, you can hear the screams from the dungeons. Throw open the clouded glass windows and gaze out over the moat filled with human waste. The inbred villagers will stare back in stupefied fear, and you’ll know you are on holiday. Listen to the flies buzzing around the heads on spikes over the main gateway, and relax! -- village fetish (@botandy) |
If you stay in the Castle Suite please give us a full account of your visit, and let us know where we should arrange for any bodies to be sent. Or perhaps you’d prefer the Honeymoon Suite? |