The Bad Hotel > Castle Suite
The HoneyMoon Suite
Possible Honeymoon Suite excursions and experience packages include:
Kidnapped Your partner is abducted in the middle of the night. Breakfast in Bed (You’re the breakfast.) Doubles Your safe contains a gun, a photo of the couple in the room next door, and their key. |
Sorry for that little incident before. I can assure you that your luggage will be retrieved from the Hellmouth as soon as possible. No need to tip the porter. He can’t get out of here fast enough.
Now on to the Honeymoon Suite... just along this dark, windowless corridor. Pay no attention to the disembodied whispering. There definitely isn’t a bear in there. Please enjoy the obligatory hourly bed-turning service and the oily serpent in the bath. We filled the bed with rose thorns and scorpion tails. I hope this is to your satisfaction. You may be interested in our room service menu, which includes massage, tattoos and poisons. No, I’m not sure what that smell is either. Oh, I almost forgot: the spyhole is painted over and the lock doesn’t always hold, but we’re all friends here, aren’t we? -- village fetish (@botandy) & Hayley Morgan (@writeonmorgan) |
If you stay in the Honeymoon Suite please give us a full account of your visit and let us know where we should arrange for any bodies to be sent. We apologise if there was, in fact, a bear in there. Or perhaps you’d prefer the Traveller Suite? |