The Bad Hotel > Guestbook
To whom it may concern,
I am not accustomed to leaving poor feedback out for the public. I normally consider it tacky. However, I feel that future guests have the right to know about my negative experience, which exceeded my worst expectations.
Since I was unable to make any proper headway with any actual employees, I am forced to call the Better Business Bureau upon returning home, after first scheduling appointments with my physician and therapist. A part of me wants to be optimistic enough to believe that other guests would have a better experience than my wife and I, but it is clear that some changes need to be made.
Best of luck to you in the future.
-- Matthew O'Leary, December 2014
After a hellish year working for mindless management, they rewarded me with an all expenses paid trip to this wonderful hotel. It wasn’t without its problems. The air-conditioning unit had failed due to a polar bear infestation (I blame global warming). They were kind enough to supply a bath tub full of ice to help keep me cool. I did wake up with a painful side that morning though the butler (Igor was his name) explained to me in a quaint lisp that my kidneys had become infected and they removed them for me before they caused me any grief. The staff at Bad Hotel certainly like to proactively look after their guests’ health. They’ve already warned me of a heart condition my recently graduated doctor back home had failed to discover! If you can’t afford medical insurance come here, it’s all inclusive! While recovering by the hot pools, and after getting used to the strong smell of sulphur, I was served with Corn a la Gavaged. They were quite insistent and I ended up eating much more than I was comfortable eating because I didn't want to cause offense (and to be honest, Igor could get intimidating). The staff couldn’t do enough for me. When it turned out that my flight was one way, they agreed to let me stay longer and even offered me free dentistry. I couldn’t be happier!
- Mr. Nemo, November 2014
The baditation helps you relax your muscles and stretch your fingers and bones, while your soul travels to far-off places and you wonder why in the hell(!) it took you so long to discover the Bad Hotel. Now I can tell every living soul before their (last) travels how the Bad Hotel will literally take their breath away.
-- The Yoga Teacher, December 2014
Dirty beds. Damp walls. No room service. Shadows moving by themselves. Arms grabbing me from under the bed. Blood dripping from the ceiling. An octopus in the swimming pool. Giant spider guarding the lift.
-- Stalindottir (aged 9), November 2014
I thought Silent Hill was just a bad video game. I thought the sun would rise again. I didn’t think I would have to pay extra for the faceless man that is always in the periphery of my vision. I thought cold showers were optional, not compulsory. I was wrong.
-- Dan Adie (Ketamine_Stalin)
Quietest most relaxing weekend possible at the hotel where ALL THE GUESTS ARE DEAD.
-- Mr G. Reaps, November 2014
I never stay anywhere else. I can’t find the exits please help me please let me leave.
-- Anon, November 2014
The label on the bathroom soap said “made from human fats” so I’m a happy camper!
-- Doris Munchausen, October 2014
After carefully noting my severe peanut allergy on the check-in form, every meal came with peanuts, and a bowl of them appeared in every room each morning. Thoughtful.
-- Mr. Snopes, October 2014
The collapsing balcony on the top floor penthouse really added some excitement to the trip.
-- Richie Vandercamper, September 2014
You know you’re in safe hands when there are hands in the safe!
-- Anon, September 2014
Don’t order room service, that just tells the staff
who is left alive.
-- Concerned, August 2014
Little Timmy loved the Swim with Sharks adventure in the aquarium area. I’m sure he’ll love having no legs even more.
-- Maggie Hatchet, August 2014
The Trade your Soul for an extra night initiative really helps struggling families make ends meet.
-- The Packmans
Can never get enough of the depleted uranium nibbles in the bar!
-- A monster
Slept like the dead, which may explain the cleaner attaching a defibrillator to my chest.
-- Mr. Attercrop, June 2014
The Kill your Lunch concept deserves wider recognition, in my humble opinion.
-- Stuffed, June 2014
I see that the resemblance between the rotating hotel entrance door and a blender is not coincidental.
-- R.I.P Paul, June 2014
The laundry service is superb at removing blood stains from clothing, sheets, walls, etc.
-- Anon, May 2014
In room massage is not to be recommended unless your tastes run to the extreme.
-- Senator P, May 2014
There’s something fluorescing, thrashing in the hotel swimming pool.
-- Miss Weaver, April 2014
Hotel bill has a single line entry for exorcism. $500. Don’t remember much from last night. Staff won’t meet my eye.
-- Confused, March 2014
Such a wonderful hotel experience! Despite their emotionless, almost inhuman facial expressions, the staff were nothing but friendly.
Everything in my room was wonderful. Although, all of the other guest rooms had do not disturb signs on the doorknobs, and very strange, rotting smells emanating from within. I was assured this was just guests being “very foul, very unclean, we will cleanse them. All will be cleansed” by the staff.
No expense was spared in regards to amenities, although the television in my room would occasionally devolve into static, and then a single, unblinking eye would appear onscreen. Probably just a technical fault!
Dining was also incredible, especially the buffet! I'm still not sure what the “ASSORTED MEATS” were, but I was assured by the chef they were very exotic, and cut from creatures I’d probably never heard of. I wish I could say more, but after my first glass of water, I don’t seem to remember the rest of the evening.
Evening entertainment was such a thrill! There was a special knife throwing act that performed a very exciting display. The screams the knife throwers assistant made when the fake knife landed in her abdomen sounded so genuine!
Lokay they left the room they're watching me write this they’re making me they say if i write it i can leave but i don’t believe them i’m never leaving they took mary days ago i think she’s dead now i just want to get out need to get out
Probably the best part of my stay was the pool! Not many hotels can claim to have a swimming pool with water that is a very deep shade of red, and a large hatch on the floor of the pool.
Overall, absolutely amazing! Even if I was allowed to leave of my own free will, I wouldn’t. And I would definitely not encourage reading the first letter of every paragraph please don’t do that I think they’re coming ba
WONDERFUL SHORT TERM LODGING ESTABLISHMENT, PLEASE DISREGARD. BAD HOTEL IS A VERY GOOD HOTEL, YOU SHOULD COME.
- Lucas Curd, December 2014
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