By Marion Frobisher (@UlcerMagazine)
The name Abraham Lincoln is known around the world, and revered at home, as belonging to the larger-than-life U.S. President who ended the odious tradition of slavery in America and freed the men and women held in bondage like so much livestock. He did this while leading a land ripped asunder by civil war, as brother battled brother to decide whether a nation founded on the lofty principles of freedom and equality would see those same principles take root. We know today that Abraham Lincoln achieved momentous things during his time in power. We also know Abraham Lincoln’s inspirational life story, rising from poverty in frontier-land Illinois to successfully run for the White House. Something many don’t know about Lincoln, however, has come to light following a large donation of papers and other artifacts to the Smithsonian Museum by the descendants of Edwin Stanton, Lincoln’s Secretary of War. According to Stanton’s long-thought-lost personal journal, the most serious threat to the nation during Lincoln’s time in Office was neither the Civil War nor the slaves but Lincoln’s obsessive desire to send a kind of early, crude photograph called a “daguerreotype”, depicting his penis to strange women he’d met while chatting over the telegraph. It seems that while he was President, Lincoln would frequently engage in inappropriate, some might even say randy chit-chats via telegraph with women of ill repute. Several of the women were so scandalous they were over the age of 13 and not yet married or widowed. | Lincoln is said to have enthralled and exasperated the ladies over the wire with rough and tumble, vaguely homo-erotic tales of growing up surrounded by nothing but other strapping, well-appointed, shirtless frontier lads and huge, savage, sweaty Indian brutes. To the gals he particularly favored, Lincoln would then send by overland government courier a lewd daguerreotype of his genitals, often taken by legendary Civil War photographer Mathew Brady. This shocking, lurid revelation of the beloved president’s telegraphonic dalliances has created a controversy amongst Lincoln historians, some of whom now believe Lincoln’s being nicknamed “the rail splitter” in his youth and the tall tales of his giant “ax” may in fact be related to the remarkable length and girth of his dick rather than his ability to split lumber for railroad ties. Stanton reveals that the President was eventually convinced to end what has since been dubbed “Daguerreotype-gate” when he was shown that the telegraph was not as anonymous as he believed, and in fact the specific lines used for his late night sexual innuendo-filled telegrams could be followed straight to the Oval Office. Of course, Lincoln was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth before any one of the ladies in receipt of a daguerreotype could publish the President’s remarkable Johnson, thus exposing the length and width of the growing scandal. History buffs such as you or I can only speculate on how different American history might have been had the crude photographs of Lincoln’s remarkable pecker been made public during the Gettysburg Address, the writing of the Emancipation Proclamation, or any of the wonderful scenes so expertly played by Academy Award-winning actor Daniel Day-Louis. |